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Spousal and Bodily Burdens


Al Veoli: Relationships Rear Their Ugly Heads

Al Veoli

Dear Al Veoli:

I broke up with my boyfriend a couple of weeks ago but he still acts like we're a couple. I don't want him to act like that. What do I do? Or should I go back out with him? Tell me what is best.


Dear Uncertain:

It is understandable that you do not wish ex-boyfriend to act as if he is current if that is not your true status. However, the fact that you question whether or not to get back together at the same time you lament his behavior is somewhat puzzling. Perhaps your boyfriend's behavior results from your ambivalence. You should think about whether or not you really want to share a milkshake with him and reassess the sorts of signals you send. If you conclude that the Ben & Jerry's Vermontster is made for the two of you, then be a couple. If you would like your own fro yo, then be clear with him.

Dear Al Veoli:

I have a crush on a man who is 23 years older than me. I am extremely shy, so I asked a friend of mine to see if he was involved with anyone. He said yes, but when my friend called him, she called from her line, and of course her name showed up on the caller id. He asked her was she calling for herself, and she said no, that she was in fact calling for a friend of hers who was shy. He said that he was flattered and that was the end of the conversation. Because he works in a department that deals a lot with other employees, he ended up seeing my friend, and was able to put the name from the phone call with the actual person. Well because my friend is married, I was wondering if I should email him letting him know that it was me that my friend was calling for, and that I was afraid to ask for myself because of the huge age difference, not to mention the fact that I am shy. Because we work for the same company, I know that the email that I send can be tracked. Should I send him the email, would he try to track me down? Please help.


Dear Shy:

Apologies, but your story sounds unnecessarily complex. If you are interested in an adult relationship with someone, then that should be expressed in an adult way, not through your friend or in code. You say that you're concerned about the age difference; if you're too frightened to let this man know that you're interested, perhaps you should wait to have a relationship and then proceed when you're ready.

Dear Al Veoli:

I'm dating my college roommate's ex-boyfriend. They're over each other, but she fells awkward if I bring him up to our room, and he gets annoyed when he sees her current boyfriend's stuff. Is he toying with my feelings?


Dear Troubled:

Here's a good rule of moral thumb, without even getting into the specifics of your situation. It's best not to date your friends' exes, unless your friend dated said ex for about a week. Things get messy if this system isn't in place; people don't appreciate it when friends disrespect this. At least you were upfront with your roommate, and the two of you apparently discusses this scenario--others lie, and that's really inexcusable and sad-- but as you've observed yourself, it's complicated. Advice? Try dating someone else. It's a much healthier idea that offers you and your roommate self-respect.

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