Exhale Foundation a photo of a group of cyclists
About usBecome a memberSurveyFeaturesDiscussion boardsB-GamesBreathing with Sterling Swan

Ask Al Veoli

Complete Index

Latest Article:
Spousal and Bodily Burdens

Previous Article
Next Article

Compassion, Paranoia, & Gerbils

Sweatshirts, Exes, and Self-Destruction

Possession, Divine Intervention, and Abandonment

On the Internet, in the Past, and in Person

The Holiday Special

The Ranch, The Bygone Boyfriend, and The Unholy Kiss

Mistreatment, Freedom from Addiction, and Mistreatment

Social (Mis)Behaviors

Relationships Rear Their Ugly Heads

Happy Valentine's Day!

Spousal and Bodily Burdens


Al Veoli: The Ranch, The Bygone Boyfriend, and The Unholy Kiss

Al Veoli

Dear Al Veoli:

My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for about 2 years. We get along fine but I have a big problem with her friend, Melissa. Melissa always wants Kristy, my girlfriend, to hang out with her on her ranch, and whenever they do there are lots of men involved. Kristy says the guys are all there to just be friendly, but I don't buy it. I don't want Kristy to see Melissa anymore. What do I say about this?

--Ranched Out

Dear Ranched Out:

The thing is that even though you are in a relationship with Kristy, you don't own her. Technically she can socialize with whomever she desires, and that includes men at a ranch and her friend Melissa. You can try articulating your discomfort regarding Melissa's social activities to Kristy, but forbidding her to see her friend is borderline stalker/ possesser/bizarro behavior. You do not have to be with Kristy if her behavior is not appropriate in your mind, but independence and trust are important aspects of a healthy relationship.

Dear Al Veoli:

I had a boyfriend for five months before he started dating another girl. I dumped him but sometimes I still like him and I think he still likes me. But he's with this other girl. What do I do?

--The Grass is Greener

Dear The Grass is Greener:

Sometimes what we don't have is more attractive than what we do. Why did you break up with him? Try to consider those reasons--if they were legitimate, you probably don't want to be stuck in the same boat once more. If you broke up with him but circumstances have changed and he would now be the ideal fun and loving partner, consider professing your love to him, albeit subtly so that you protect your self esteem in the event that he does not return it. Keep in mind that he has a new partner, and that counts for something.

Dear Al Veoli:

I love my boyfriend and things were great with him until he kissed me and it was all wet and gross. I don't think it's normal. What should I do?

--Kiss of Death

Dear Kiss of Death:

Kissing is an art (there was actually a Meniscus question about this very issue a couple of years back) and if you love someone, it's worth it to teach the person how to kiss rather than dump the person for someone who may be a good kisser but an evil personality. Tell your boyfriend, tactfully, that stores of saliva are not a requisite component for kissing. You may even want to demonstrate for him what an ideal kiss would be for you. People learn by doing.

Have a question for Al Veoli? Submit it below.

Al looks forward to hearing from you!

Your Name/Pseudonym:
Your Email (optional):
Your Gender: Male   Female
Your Age:
Your Problem: