Al Veoli: Possession, Divine Intervention, and Abandonment

Dear Al Veoli:

I am very possessive of a lady who used to love me but has grown to hate me. I want to know why this happened. What is wrong with loving someone and being possessive? It shows you care about the person.

-Mystified

Dear Mystified:

Au contraire, my friend. There is a difference between loving people, showing them you care about their well-being, and even being protective in some cases if it has to do with something that could be detrimental to physical or mental health. But being possessive often turns people off; it's usually only people with pretty low self-esteem who seek someone who will want to control their every move and insert themselves into every aspect of their lives. People view possessiveness as lack of trust and faith in their abilities. Do yourself a favor and give this woman space and freedom and maybe she will realize you've learned your lesson. If not, try to move on with the new knowledge that possessiveness does not get you what you want.

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Dear Al Veoli:

I am 30 years old and have lived with my boyfriend for 11 years. I would like to get married and have children but he keeps saying in order to get married a specific FEELING has to come over him so that he knows it's the right time. He's been saying this for about 5 years. What do I do?

-Frustrated

Dear Frustrated:

It is understandable that waiting years and years for the proposal has made you frustrated. It seems as if you have spoken to him directly about this issue, which is good. What he is doing is not fair to you, and it is rather manipulative. It is possible you could be cooling your heels for 11 more years, and it is possible that he has no intention of marrying you. He needs to be straightforward about his intentions. If he loves and appreciates you, he does not need a magic sign from on high in order to ACT. You cannot spend your life waiting for this magic moment, and it is suggested that you speak with him about your desires and dreams, and if he is still dismissive, please move on to someone else who can appreciate you without divine intervention.

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Dear Al Veoli:

I am a single mother who is feeling overwhelmed. My child's father drank and did drugs and so we got divorced. Well, I was just awarded child support but my son's daddy refuses to pay. Meanwhile my relatives drink a lot too and I feel like I have nowhere to turn for help and can't make it through another day. Please help me.

-Desperate

Dear Desperate:

Sometimes when life is really getting us down, and for legitimate reasons, it's important to take stock of what we have accomplished. It sounds as if you're a responsible, successful single mother who cares very much for your son and provides for him. You may be surrounded by people who are irresponsible, even criminally so, but take heart in the fact that you are a good person, and your son surely knows that, too. One possibility is to speak with a lawyer about enforcing the child support payments, because what your ex is doing is illegal. Also, try to find some time for yourself--to go for a walk or do something for you, even if it's just a half hour each day.

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Al looks forward to hearing from you!