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Al Veoli: Sweatshirts, Exes, and Self-Destruction

Al Veoli

Dear Al Veoli:

My boyfriend always chooses his best friend over me and his relationship with this guy just creeps me out at this point. They spend a ton of time together and my boyfriend keeps his friend's sweatshirt as if it's the most important object he owns. He loves wearing it and always talks about this guy. Do you think they could be gay? Help.

--Sweatshirted Trauma

Dear Sweatshirted Trauma:

It could be that your boyfriend is just really grateful for his close friendship with this gentleman, but from your description, it may be that there's more there than friendship. If your boyfriend is always talking about this guy, and is enamored with his sweatshirt, it almost sounds more like a crush than a good friendship. Though guys certainly borrow each others' clothes sometimes it is probably not that common for one to drool over another's sweatshirt unless there's something more to the story. Try talking to your boyfriend about it. He may not be ready to admit his feelings for this person, or he may not *have* feelings of love--perhaps he's just very attached to people in his life. In which case you should talk to him anyway, since you're unhappy about his seeming lack of attachment to you.

Dear Al Veoli:

My ex and I are off and on all the time and it is killing me. We'll live together and everything will be fine and then suddenly he's leaving, saying I haven't been good to him and always blaming me for something. This really hurts me, but I love him and don't know what to do. Last week he called and told me he loved me even though he was dating another woman at the time. Then he called back and said he had just been drunk and to ignore the whole thing!!!!


Dear Frustrated:

It is hard when you love someone and the person does not love you back appropriately or fairly. But this means that you have to move on, regardless of this person's worth, because if he hurts you over and over again, you will be all the worse for the wear and be wasting time pursuing a relationship that will never be what you want it to be. The next time your ex calls you, tell him that you wish him the best but have had enough and have moved on. If he continues to contact you, be firm but polite with this message; ultimately you can always change your phone number. But save yourself from participating in abusive cycle.

Dear Al Veoli:

Dear Ms. Meniscus, I've had this one friend for a long time and suddenly she accused me of things that were ridiculous, things that never happened. She's also accusing some of my friends of treating her really poorly when they've always been good to her and she's really angry, out of the blue. The thing is, she prefers hanging out with people who have nothing to offer her or anyone, people whose only activity is drinking at cheap bars, and she has a drinking problem. How do I get her to realize that she's out of control? -Sad


Dear Sad:

Unfortunately, if your friend is having problems with drinking and who she chooses to associate with, that's her problem, not yours. It may be tempting to try to help her, and maybe you could talk to her parents or some of her friends about her issues. Then again, they may not be receptive to this because of stories she might have told them about you. It's hard but staying away and keeping your distance may be the only way to maintain your sanity. Hopefully she can get some help herself and realize that her behavior is completely self-destructive.

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