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Al Veoli: Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!

Al Veoli

Dear Al Veoli:

I went out with my ex for a year. I was his first girlfriend. We both went thru a lot: 3 breakups, fights, etc... but we eventually worked out. This year during our one year anniversary weekend we got into a fight, a lot of tears were shed. By the time we worked our problems out, I felt like I loved him more than anything in the world and I felt that he and I were stronger than ever. He even said that he would do anything for me and he loved me very much. He broke up with me nearly 2 months ago. I was so hurt (and I still am).I cried every night for 3 weeks. He wanted to remain friends. I accepted, even though I knew that it wouldn't be an honest friendship. I talked to him over the phone this past week and he started telling me about a girl he had kissed @ a party. It was so hard to endure, so I told him I couldn't be "just friends" with him anymore. He knew that I never would be friends with my ex's so he asked me to make an exception for him. I said I couldn't because it hurt me too much. How can he love me and leave me and expect us to be friends? Does he still want to be with me?


Dear Confusedorama:

Well, sister, straight from the antelope's chin, or whatever that idiom may be, it sounds to Big Al (no, not Weird Al) that your ex-boyfriend is behaving somewhat selfishly. He no longer wants to be with you in a romantic sense, evident from his having broken up with you, yet he still seems to wish to benefit from your advice, your support, your friendship. Sometimes, if a breakup is mutual, friendship is possible, even in the wake of a relationship. But if a breakup is not mutual, as in your case, friendship becomes exceedingly difficult. In addition, the fact that he felt the need to share with you his smooching experience with another dame underscores the fact that he is either not cognizant of your continued feelings for him, or, he simply does not care and treads heavily on them with a big stick. Either way, this is no bargain for you. Calmly explain to him that you wish to move on to better highways and by-ways, and then get out there for a rewarding road trip.

Dear Al Veoli:

I was living with a boyfriend for over three years. On July the 3rd 2004 recently he broke up with me well I don't know he did not tell me but his aunt did.
Anyway here's how it went that Saturday the 3rd I had attended a party with him at a friends house. Everything went well until an hour after being there. There were 20 guys to one girl and there where only four girls there including me. Well he got jealous with me and told me I need to get out and do my own thing. So I started to reason with him but he just wanted me to leave him alone. So I told him I would leave so I started to walk to my car and he followed me and started to scream at me and called me a slut. I got in the car and he went off on me. To make a long story short I left. Well the next day I went back to our house that we lived at for three years. The house belonged to the family but they said we can live there as long as we wanted to. When I was at the house the next morning he was not there. So I just sat there wondering what next. I heard a knock at the door and I opened it and it was his aunt. I was already packing my stuff to leave, when she said Well I guess you already know why I'm Here and I said no why? She said I think it's time for you to leave this house. Because she had gotten a phone call that morning that I had fought with him and hurt him. Oh My God I just could not believe that she said that. So anyways she pretty much threw me out of my own home that I furnished the whole place with and then told me that I could not take my dogs, that my ex would have to choose which one he wanted. And then she took my key. Please give me some advice I am confused mad and sad. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Dear Angryorama:

Big Al knows probably better than anyone right now how problematic families can be, especially family members who interfere in business that is not theirs. Your situation is a bit tricky, as you were staying in the family's house. But your boyfriend sounds like no great loss, if he had his aunt break up with you by proxy and chose to express his emotions to you by screaming at you in a public place. But the aunt is incredibly out of line, and Big Al take offence at the mere fact that you let her order you out of a home you had furnished and prevent you from taking your dog. It is not up to a random relative whose stuff is whose, and you need to speak up for yourself and your rights. Perhaps a rug is a rug is a rug, but a dog is a dog, and if the dog is yours, then you should take the dog.

Dear Al Veoli:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for around 7 months, and when he has a bit too much to drink, he gets aggressive and takes things out on me and his mates around him. Sometimes he gets violent and that scares me. We've dated previously before and we split up and when we argue he throws the past back in my face. I love him so much! What should I do?


Dear Abusedorama:

If your boyfriend is okay on a regular basis but becomes untenable, violent, and frightening when drinking, it sounds as if your boyfriend has a serious drinking problem. Big Al advises that he curtail the drinking; perhaps he can stop drinking alcohol altogether, or perhaps he needs to set a limit, such as no more than 67 drinks in one sitting. Big Al. does not know what you mean when you refer to the past being thrown back in your face, but it seems as if your boyfriend has many issues he needs to deal with before lashing out at anyone else.

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