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Spousal and Bodily Burdens

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Love's Liabilities


No Love for Me

The Internet, the Pain, and the Trust

Doubt, Lack, Doubt

Compromised, Cramped, and Cantankerous

Weight, Cheat, and Miss

When Youth and/or Youth in Retrospect Can Be Trouble

I've Been with My Partner 12 years and...

Kissing, Yelling, Flirting

Questioning Faith


Al Veoli: Compromised, Cramped, and Cantankerous

Al Veoli

Dear Al Veoli:

I'm a college student and recently met a wonderful guy three years older than I am. We both fell hard and fast for each other. It's too soon to call it anything but infatuation, but I could definitely see us being together for a long time. We get along extremely well and can talk with each other for hours on end. We're both amazed by how well we connect. However, one major problem has come up: I'm set on saving my virginity for my future husband (technically, that is ... I'm willing to "compromise" a bit). He, on the other hand, is used to sex being part of a relationship. This will probably end up being a deal-breaker for us, and of course, I'm pretty disappointed. My question is: In this day and age, is it worth it to save sex for marriage? I'm starting to believe that to get a guy to date me, sex is going to be a part of the package, whether I want it to be or not. If guys won't date women who won't sleep with them, then I have no hope of ever meeting someone I'd marry.


Dear Compromised:

Al appreciates your dilemma but wishes to ask you an important question: why are you "saving" your virginity for your future husband? Do you see it as a gift you wish to present to him? Do you see your virginity as power, or vulnerability, or as an anomaly in this day and age? Al Veoli is not criticizing you, but merely asking important questions--the answer of why exactly you're "saving your virginity" is essential to your current relationship. At the same time, you should not have to have sex to get a date or to be in a relationship, and if you feel pressured to do this, then maybe this guy isn't for you.

Dear Al Veoli:

I've been trying to exercise more recently but my muscles are constantly cramping up. Any suggestions?


Dear Cramped:

Big Al knows the feeling: you arrive at the pool, elated to be there. You want to swim fast and hard and get a good workout. You want your form to be perfect. You push off the wall and begin your first lap towards perfection, only to have a cramp mar your style. Here are some suggestions: first, be sure to stretch not only before and after you exercise, but throughout the day. Try to get in about 4 stretching sessions (only about 3 minutes each, so no overwhelming time commitment) a day. Second, pay attention to what you're eating. Fruits and vegetables are the best for you, as they offer the most vitamins. Specifically, potassium can help protect you against cramps, so eat a lot of bananas. Lastly, try to warm up when you work out--don't do anything too fast or too extreme at the beginning. Start out slowly. Good luck!

Dear Al Veoli:

I'm currently trying to lose weight, which my best friend knows, yet she always talks about how she's skinny and how she still wears clothes from high school (we're past college now). Is she doing this purposely to hurt my feelings?


Dear Cantankerous:

Without hearing a conversation firsthand it can be difficult to assess whether one party wishes to hurt another. But if you're trying to lose weight and your friend is aware of this, it is indeed insensitive of her to speak continously of her own lack of a weight problem and flaunt her thinness. Usually Al Veoli suggests speaking to someone directly about problems, but this time, she advises you to simply ignore your friend, or excuse yourself if she brings up her size 2 bikini yet again. Go your own way.

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