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Spousal and Bodily Burdens

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No Love for Me

The Internet, the Pain, and the Trust

Doubt, Lack, Doubt

Compromised, Cramped, and Cantankerous

Weight, Cheat, and Miss

When Youth and/or Youth in Retrospect Can Be Trouble

I've Been with My Partner 12 years and...

Kissing, Yelling, Flirting

Questioning Faith

Helpless, Unhappy, and Alone


Al Veoli: Weight, Cheat, and Miss

Al Veoli

Dear Al Veoli:

I am EXTREMELY insecure; I have a terrible image problem. I am slightly overweight and it is KILLING ME. I can't stand to be naked or let anyone else see how ugly my body is. This is ruining my relationship because my boyfriend likes to watch shows with naked and half naked women and it eats me up. I tell him I don't like it but he claims it's my entire fault because I'm insecure. I guess he is right. Right? I feel like I can't give him what he likes. So he has to turn to TV etc... for it. What should I do? I have tried eating better, diets, throwing up, pills seems like NOTHING works.


Dear Blameless:

Like Noah, you are blameless in your age. It is unfortunate that you feel insecure about your body, but this is something you can remedy, and that you can control. You say you have tried many dietary options, and none have worked, but you don't mention exercise, which is a key component in weight loss endeavor. Also, a nutritionist might be able to advise you on a weight loss program that is right for your body type. Having said this, Al Veoli implores that you stay away from throwing up and from diet pills. Both are horrible for your body. On the other hand, you cannot control your boyfriend's mentality, and if his mentality is that it is your problem you are insecure and your problem that he prefers to watch naked women on tv, then perhaps this is not the boyfriend for you. A partner should make you feel great, should appreciate your beauty, and should not seek alternatives to it, especially if he is privvy to your apprehension.

Dear Al Veoli:

Well, my boyfriend and I had been going out for a while, and then my parents banned me from seeing him because they thought we were having sex. He stayed with me for about month and a half after this happened, and then I cheated on him with a guy who caused a lot of problems for me and my boyfriend during our relationship. I told him about it, and we broke up about 2 weeks later. Now I still love him more than ever, except now he has a girlfriend who he says he loves. We still talk because we are supposedly best friends, but what can I do?


Dear Cheato:

It is interesting that you distance yourself from any blame in cheating on your boyfriend but merely characterize the episode as involvement with a guy who caused a lot of problems for your relationship. Well, obviously you did, too, which further led to your boyfriend's move away. If he has a girlfriend now who he says he loves, then go with that theme, and leave them alone. You had your chance and chose to hurt him; deal with the consequences.

Dear Al Veoli:

My boyfriend broke up with me and I still love him and want him back but I haven't seen him since the breakup because he moved to St. Paul.


Dear Minnesota:

Dear, dear. Al Veoli understands you miss your mate, but he moved to St. Paul. And everybody knows that once someone moves to St. Paul, the person is gone. Alternatively, aside from not becoming involved in a land war in Asia, everyone knows not to date someone in St. Paul. Go for someone in another city; you won't regret it.

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