Exhale Foundation a photo of a group of cyclists
About usBecome a memberSurveyFeaturesDiscussion boardsB-GamesBreathing with Sterling Swan

Ask Al Veoli

Complete Index

Latest Article:
Spousal and Bodily Burdens

Previous Article
Next Article

In Love and War

Conscience and Communication

Cleaning, Confusing, and Mothering Woes

Love's Liabilities


No Love for Me

The Internet, the Pain, and the Trust

Doubt, Lack, Doubt

Compromised, Cramped, and Cantankerous

Weight, Cheat, and Miss

When Youth and/or Youth in Retrospect Can Be Trouble


Al Veoli: No Love for Me

Al Veoli

Dear Al Veoli:

Ever since I told my roommates that I'm not living with them again next year (this is the second year we've lived together) they have been avoiding me and pretty much exclude me from their 'fun'. In the recent past they've done things to totally disrespect me, in one instance they 'borrowed' my car without asking, I even heard them leave with it, and just the other day, I got back, only to find that they let their friends sleep in my bed while I was away. I have no idea what to say/do about this! HELP!

-No Roomates for Me

Dear No Roomates for Me:

Obviously it is your decision where you want to live and with whom. If your roommates are throwing little tantrums and/or hissy fits and articulating their unhappiness through passive agressive actions, then you need to speak up. Broach the subject with them, lamenting the lack of recent friendship. At the same time, lock your car and keep the keys yourself. Lock your room and put up a sign on the door that says Keep Out. Ok, maybe don't go that far at first, but you deserve to be treated fairly by your friends.

Dear Al Veoli:

My sex life at present is nearly non-existent. My hubby is older than me. I have found myself becoming extremely attracted to his brother, I am sure he feels the same. I am just after some action but don't want to suffer from guilt afterwards. I find myself fantasizing about the brother often and feel barely able to control myself around the brother at times. Should I keep this fantasy or have sex with him and fulfil this need?

-No Sex for Me

Dear No Sex for Me:

You mention your sex life is nonexistent and that your husband is older as if the two are interdependent. Just because your husband is older does not mean your sex life has to be over. If your husband loves you, even if he is no longer interested in intercourse or able to participate, perhaps the two of you could work out alternative ways of showing affection. Al Veoli does not encourage you to go after the random family member just to fulfill your sexual needs. It is not fair to your husband, it is not fair to his brother, and it is a pretty bad idea.

Dear Al Veoli:

My boyfriend of almost a year doesn't know what the word romantic means. Valentines Day is coming up, and I'm afraid it's going to be as terribly disappointing as the rest of our relationship. I've tried telling him bluntly that he doesn't do anything romantic... ever! Somehow though, he still either doesn't have a clue, or just doesn't know how to. He's never had a girlfriend before, so I've been understanding with him not bothering with sweetest's day, never taking me out on dates, and generally ignoring me when there's food/tv around. I don't know if I'm asking too much, but it really bothers me that he doesn't know how to be sweet/romantic. I've tried giving him suggestions, but he's never tried any of them. I tell him to ask other people for ideas, but he doesn't seem to care. It's frustrating, and I don't know if I'm in the wrong here. Help me figure this out, please!

-No Valentines for Me

Dear No Valentines for Me:

Listen here, honey. When the cheez doodles or the Patriots or even Paul Simon's tame half-time show are more intriguing then your warm, live body and potentially fascinating conversation, it's time to articulate this in the extremely explicit sense. If your "boyfriend" chooses to ignore you one more time, it's time for you to become independent. Perhaps your boyfriend is interested in just hanging with the guys. Perhaps he's not interested in women in general. Perhaps he's content making no effort whatsoever toward anyone else as long as he is satisfied. It is possible that he just doesn't know what to do and is at a loss, but that's a far cry from not caring, and usually the two are distinguishable.

Have a question for Al Veoli? Submit it below.

Al looks forward to hearing from you!

Your Name/Pseudonym:
Your Email (optional):
Your Gender: Male   Female
Your Age:
Your Problem: